A conversation with a co-worker/friend last week sparked something in my spirit about living in the now. She was talking about how young people have the need to prove themselves. As you get older, you no longer have that need. You’re comfortable with who you are almost to the point of pride (“don’t step on who I am, do you know where I’ve been to get here!”) I feel like I’m somewhere in the middle. I’ve come far as a human/Christian/wife/mommy, but I know that there is so much more ahead to shape and mold me.
It’s easy to look back and say “what if I would have done this?” or “why did I do that?” It’s also easy to get anxious for the future “how in the world will this ever work?” “There is no way I’ll ever get through this.” But I have to remember that there is no joy in that…only grief and worry. Sometimes it’s only a matter of perspective, and what lens your looking through.
The other night, Jarrod and I went out for his birthday (thanks g-ma and g-pa for babysitting.) We went to watch some music downtown. We used valet because there was nowhere else to park. After the show was over, we were waiting for the nice gentleman to pull our car around. We were looking at all the nice cars come up; a BMW, a Porsche (hey, there’s a lot of money in Nashville), a couple of nice jeeps, and then up drives our car…dirty blanket hanging out the back window we use to hide the sun from Jes’ face, diapers in the console for a just in case moment… We laughed. We could have gotten all sad because we didn’t have all the money that everyone else does. We could have wished that we were all hip and cool like the other people, but we chose not to. Yes, we are parents. Very lucky parents to a beautiful healthy girl. Parents need a night out too. So maybe our car isn’t spotless, and maybe the payments aren’t as much as a mortgage payment, but it gets us to where we are going. Plus, if we cleaned it out, Jesalyn wouldn’t have her toys to play with on the way to the grocery store. So, there we were, the two of us, laughing. We chose to see humor instead of wishing we were someone else.
Isn’t that what it’s all about really? Enjoying where you are in life…Right. Now. Because, that’s all we are promised. Today. Yesterday is over and tomorrow might never come.
I keep thinking of a Darius Rucker song called “It Won’t Be Like This For Long.”
A quick piece of it (but you definitely should look the full song up)
He lays down there beside her
‘Til her eyes are finally closed
And just watchin’ her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows
It won’t be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah, this phase is gonna fly by
So, he's tryin’ to hold on
‘Cause it won’t be like this for long
‘Til her eyes are finally closed
And just watchin’ her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows
It won’t be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah, this phase is gonna fly by
So, he's tryin’ to hold on
‘Cause it won’t be like this for long
Choose to look through the lens of happiness, life is just too short.
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