Monday, December 6, 2010

White Flag

Today has been one of those days.  I feel like I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say "I give!  I surrender!"  I feel like life has been hard lately.  If you have read even 30 percent of my posts, you know of the "ordeals" that we've been through with Jesalyn.  That part of my life, I have let you in on, for a couple of reasons.  One, everyone knows life with a baby can be hard. If you have children, you've experienced it and it's always good to get advice from others out there that might have better ideas.  Two, she is just so stinkin' adorable =)  And as difficult as she can be, she can also be the best thing in the world.  So, I've let you all in on that part of my little world.  But this is not the part that I want to give up.    
I'm so sick of stressing!  When we had Jesalyn, the plan was for her to go to daycare after my 3 months maternity leave was up.  The morning of, I had a breakdown and, to make a long story short, Jarrod quite his job to stay home with her.  This was before we had figured out her formula issues and she screamed all day.  I knew how hard it was for us to have patience with her, there was no way I could trust some stranger to stay calm.  We talked/prayed long and hard about this decision. We knew it would be difficult financially but it just felt like the right thing to do.  We had saved up a good amount of money and thought that could last us for several months.  The good news is we have made  it last for almost a year now. The bad news is, our savings is quickly being depleted.  Jarrod has been looking for jobs and has just had no luck.  I have kept my spirits up, knowing that it will all work out.  God has never let us down before. I believe he has a plan, but I feel like I've been beaten up.  I'm tired.  I'm worn out.  I'm ready for something to go right in our lives.  
This is by no means a pity party.  I know this is a common story in many households all over America, but how real our we if we only show the sunshiny part of our lives.

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